Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
high people should be assigned attendants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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