im having a threesome with these popsicles
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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