so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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