My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
