Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
