she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
