hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
