i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize