I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
