we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
