dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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