Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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