sarcasm needs its own font
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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