he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
