You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
