He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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