gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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