Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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