1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
