I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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