3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
