perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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