Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
