why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
