it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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