Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
