I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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