giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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