When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
