I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
