that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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