I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she smelled like a LAN party
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
