I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my being single is dangerous.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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