I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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