u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
