areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
