Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
