you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
