she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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