I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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