PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
