Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
