guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
