Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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