Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The air was thick with penises
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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