just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
