dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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