at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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