The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
