im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize